Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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