You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
