Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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