Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he fucked my hip out of place.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
