You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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