so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
