You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
