Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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