Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
