i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
