i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
