I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
