I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
