So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
