i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
