I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
