You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I cut my penus on the lid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
