So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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