I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I could fuck to npr.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
