FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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