dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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