Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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