I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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