I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
