Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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