WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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