I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
