i permit you to call me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
