I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
