They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
