I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
