Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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