i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
