I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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