you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
