2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
