remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
