She said her name was "party"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
