I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
