I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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