I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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