just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
