Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
