ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
