how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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