wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
