A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
