guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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