All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
