OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
