I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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