The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
